Signs You Should Probably Just Give Up

  • She said, “No.”
  • He said, “No.”
  • You choose “I’ll fight the Dragon Tiger now” on page 12 of a choose your own adventure book.
  • Your doctor days your weight loss goal is 800 lbs and he starts you with arm exercises from your bed.
  • The cool kids are doing it.
  • Your geographic location is commonly referred to as “Vietnam”.
  • Your ultra-gay Morrissey poster and how it makes you feel.
  • Your favorite band is White Flag.
  • You have bright orange eyebrows.
  • Chris Hanson steps out and asks you to have a seat…
  • Your penis formally tendered his resignation in front of the whole office and made a scene by knocking over the water cooler.
  • You’ve burned your face AGAIN and you can’t afford your 6th face transplant because you ONLY want the face of one of the Grey’s Anatomy Doctors.
  • The Chemo didn’t take.
  • The president issued a state of emergency warning due to the ongoing drought in your desolate, arid clam.
  • Even your mother stopped saying, “That’s nice.”
  • Your name is Jon Heder.
  • Your son creampies your other son.
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One Response

  1. You forgot, if you’re the asshole that wrote this. Kill yourself you useless shitbag. I’ll do it for you if you’re too much of a pussy. My father has terminal cancer. I hope you die a horrific death today.

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