Signs You Should Probably Just Give Up

  • She said, “No.”
  • He said, “No.”
  • You choose “I’ll fight the Dragon Tiger now” on page 12 of a choose your own adventure book.
  • Your doctor days your weight loss goal is 800 lbs and he starts you with arm exercises from your bed.
  • The cool kids are doing it.
  • Your geographic location is commonly referred to as “Vietnam”.
  • Your ultra-gay Morrissey poster and how it makes you feel.
  • Your favorite band is White Flag.
  • You have bright orange eyebrows.
  • Chris Hanson steps out and asks you to have a seat…
  • Your penis formally tendered his resignation in front of the whole office and made a scene by knocking over the water cooler.
  • You’ve burned your face AGAIN and you can’t afford your 6th face transplant because you ONLY want the face of one of the Grey’s Anatomy Doctors.
  • The Chemo didn’t take.
  • The president issued a state of emergency warning due to the ongoing drought in your desolate, arid clam.
  • Even your mother stopped saying, “That’s nice.”
  • Your name is Jon Heder.
  • Your son creampies your other son.

One Response

  1. You forgot, if you’re the asshole that wrote this. Kill yourself you useless shitbag. I’ll do it for you if you’re too much of a pussy. My father has terminal cancer. I hope you die a horrific death today.

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