Jack Kevorkian’s Cardigan Ugly, Runs for Congress

We sent cub reporter/Santa Monica Community College intern Fagan Delaware on assignment for Real Bad Friend to report on a recent press-release / announcement from Jack Kevorkian… and well… this is what he came back with…

Fagan DelawareJack Kevorkian’s Cardigan Ugly, Runs for Congress
By Fagan Delaware

RBF – Doctor Death himself, Jack Kevorkian is in the news again, but this time he’s adding liveliness to the conversation, rather than sucking it out of some Cancer-heads wheelchair-bound body against their family’s ultimate wishes. The Old bag of skin and bones (who himself is on the clock for euthenizing) has decided to lash out at all the hipsters making jokes, hippies cracking wise and clerks snickering coldly at the doctor and his new Cardigan. The fabulously hideous piece of cardigan was purchased from the internet,

Dr. Death’s Ugly Cardigan

and he is “..pretty sure it’s American Apparel.” When asked if he was shocked by all the disdain and bad-mouthing his cardigan was receiving from all the nay-sayers and haters, he lashed out, “Yes it’s a shock! It’s a Fucking OUTRAGE!” Dr. Kevorkian continued his rant about myspace and “the facebook” concluding with a pointed, and all-to-real piece of actual news by saying, “Oh, and I’m running for Congress.”Thanks Fagan… I think?

Hell, what can we say? The kid makes a damn good cup of coffee.


6 Responses

  1. That is a crap article. FAGAN U R FIRED.

  2. I mean what the fuck is he trying to say?? He’s trying way too hard. Can we post something else ASAP.

  3. We don’t have anything else????

  4. Hey – I don’t know about you, but this Venti Skinny Cinammon Dolce Latte is delicious.

    At least this is better than that Kevin Bacon Squirrel article he wrote.

  5. Fagan…can’t see….eyes burning….must…post….someeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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