5 Signs you Shouldn’t Hire THAT Flash/Actionscript Designer

evil flash man

This day and age, its not hard to find someone who claims to know Adobe Flash. While Flash-only sites are being more often criticized for their tendency towards animation and “flash” over accessibility and usability, the Flash medium is still very relevant if used properly. Here are 5 signs you shouldn’t hire a particular flash designer:

  1. Creepy Portfolio – His portfolio is actually a shoe box filled with hair dolls made from pre-teen hairlocks and popped balloons.
  2. Dependence on Components – While Flash comes packaged with very useful components that greatly shorten the time it takes to build certain actionscript elements, be weary of any flash programmer who depends solely on these items. A few components in sites are okay, but make sure your flash designer has also built a significant amount of dynamic elements from scratch.
  3. Proposed Mutilations – Stay away from any programmer that threatens to brutalize your husband, cut his hands off and stick bundles of twigs in his eye sockets. Though this may appear to be a sign of thoroughness, it may be an indication that this programmer is criminally insane.
  4. Resistant to Deliver you the .FLA – If you are paying for a flash site, the .FLA (the document that holds all the work by which the .swf is published) belongs to YOU. Any designer who refuses to give you the .fla to work from after building your site is probably trying to strong arm you into paying for costly updates down the line.
  5. Flaming Head – Though having a head that is always on fire may be cool to look at, it may be a sign that this person is a demon from the underworld. Be sure to meet the person face to face, and if that face is engulfed in eternal flames, just say “no thank you.” The same goes for any designer whose eyes glow red.
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10 Responses

  1. This post seemed way too personal Adam

  2. I know – I hate Adam’s portfolio, but I secretly love his burning head. Especially when he exposes it in the winter.

  3. This is a stupid list, and you suck.

  4. hahahahaha. Best.

  5. I was thinking the same thing, Adam.

  6. No no no – don’t take it “that” way… take it in the mouth.

  7. I laughed out loud at work, and when the woman next to me asked what I was looking at, I didn’t show her.

  8. That’s probably the best thing to do when people ask you what you are looking at.

    Especially if you are looking at their demise.

  9. I have swf. I do not have fla. I want to move my software to android and other mobile devices, for sale in China. My software teaches alphabet and numbers using dolphins to do the teaching. The web site with the software is http;//alphabet-learning.com

    I need a hand

    Thanks. I am also an independent write-in candidate for president.

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