COCK SOUP !?!?!?

Cock Soup - featuring Wang Doodlers!

Great news from wang-doodlerville… Tiny Dicks are now available in soup form!!! Who knew?!

Seriously – nothing like a bowl full of tiny pee-pees floating in taint broth.

No, there’s no joke here other than the fact that it’s called “Cock Soup”.

Thoughts? Anyone?

BY DECREE OF THE KING…

Kneel!

  • All salt must be low sodium.
  • Special Olympics will be nationally televised and heavily gambled upon.
  • All women shalt be hairless.
  • “Doggystyle” is from hence forth only to be referred to as “Style”
  • Kentucky shall now be pronounced Can’t-ucky.
  • Barnes and Noble is now knighted so it shall be called SIR Barnes of Nobility… No, scratch that… this decree is stupid.
  • Captain Kangaroo is posthumously promoted to Admiral Kangaroo.
  • Grass is the new sidewalk. We will also push towards a barefoot traffic initiative.
  • Postage is raised by 4 quid.
  • Science grants for everyone.
  • Thank you cards are henceforth deemed unnecessary, because you already said thank you when you got it.
  • The official mascot of the kingdom is to be the red rocket.
  • No harumphing in public.
  • All falcons must be tiny.
  • “How I Met Your Mother” is to be tivod by the entire kingdom.
  • If you have soft skin, you must come to the palace for our annual “Touch Ball” Please contact our events coordinator, Melanie.
  • All birds must be attached to strings for the purpose of holding.
  • All moon base efforts will be re-assigned to building a cloud fortress.
  • Man is the new onion… where no one is happy until he is cooked.
  • Ham steaks shall no longer be called steaks, because they aren’t fooling anyone.
  • 10am is happy hour.
  • Any designer who wishes to design a logo for the new cloud fortress must contact our events coordinator, Melanie.
  • Nernsday is the new friday. TGIN!
  • I’m going to wear my p.j’s when I go to a local pub. You will tell me they look cool and then promptly bug off unless you are a human babe or cartoon deer.

Soldier of Fortune – Soldier of the Month – Tom Tiff

Tom Tiff is a Corporal in the United States Marines – he’s a Nuclear Babies specialist.

I glowz.

DUTIES: Sitting with Babies while they glow; Extracting concentrated radioactive ions and injecting them into babies; R&D on Baby Glowing; Field duty and paperwork; Removing Nuclear babies from the proximity of other soldiers.

Tours of Duty: BOSNIA, GAZA STRIP (wink), AFGHANISTAN, IRAQ (current)

Favorite Color: Anything sickening and green – oh, and a healthy orange.

Quote: Get away from that baby!

Fun Fact: Tom has crippling bouts of depression.

Got someone you want to nominate? Do it!

You Know Your Intern Has Lost It…

When you find something like this sitting in the top drawer of his desk, as you’re rummaging through it looking for candy.

C’mon Fagan… You’re creeping everyone out.

Morbidly Heavyweight Rematch

RBF NEWS FLASH! -Following his Wrestlemania knockout over Big Show, Floyd “Money” Mayweather has agreed to a rematch with the 400 plus pounder. Due to contractual obligations, the rematch will be at the Morbid Heavyweight Division. To many in the fake sports world’s surprise, the pound for pound champion has agreed. Now476 McGriddles, 129 Whoppers, 280 Cinnabons, and 89 Shamrock Shakes later, Mayweather has already ballooned to 780lbs, making him a 4:1 favorite in Vegas, despite multiple heart and kidney failures. Blah Blah Blah just look at the funny picture:

mayweather balloons