Randy Palmer Has A Dirty Little Secret

Call your friends, and see if they know.Have you heard? I’m not surprised! He’s been so quiet about it. Why is he such a secret-keeper?

Randy Palmer has been lying to all of us for years, and it’s time someone blew the whistle. You know what? That someone is REAL BAD FRIEND. We have the dirt on Randy Palmer, and we’re going to expose him as a complete piece.

Where do we begin, Randy Palmer? Where indeed… Oh fuck it, here’s a list of Randy’s Dirty Little Secrets that the public should know.

  1. When Randy was in the 7th grade, he used to pray every night that his mom would have a miscarriage, ultimately keeping enough money unspent that he would get an ATARI 2600.
  2. He chews Nicorette and offers it to people when they ask him for gum.
  3. Uses Craigslist to find lonely people, and then emotionally attacks them, badgering them into submission and finally murdering them, hiding their bodies in remote locales.
  4. He once fellated another man in the middle of the 1989 season.
  5. He cheated on his BAR exam. Not cool.
  6. He follows girls when they walk out of bars and knocks on their car windows after they get in and tells them to get out of the car for a sobriety exam. He just likes to tease.
  7. Randy simplifies his fractions but doesn’t show his work – we’re not sure of it, but it’s so unclear that we are relatively certain he hands in someone elses answers when we collect the homework.
  8. Supports Ron Paul.
  9. Likes having a gun rubbing against his teeth.
  10. Hand makes towels – hand towels, beach towels, cooking towels… he does it all.

Have you heard any of Randy Palmer’s dirty little secrets that we’ve forgotten? Comment.

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16 Responses

  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHa my name is randy palmer and i googled it and got your website fucking hillarious. i’m a musician from ogden utah and i doubt i’m the person your talking about but still HAHAHA even if i was. i’m going to print this shit out and post it at the bar i work at. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    thanks for the laugh.

  2. Hahah – this is fantastic.

    No worries. Thanks for not suing for Slander, because let’s face facts – this Randy Palmer is a real piece.

    You on the other hand, Randy Palmer from Ogden, Utah – you’re a musician who works at a bar.

    Is it true that booze in Utah don’t get me drunk?

  3. WAIT. DOES THIS NEW RANDY PALMER HAVE A SECRET???

  4. HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS!!!11!1!!

    My name is Randy Palmer, I’m from Flin Flon, Man. and THIS IS MY LIFE!!!!11!!

    I want to know how you people came up with this information and what you did to get it. You might think you;re really smart by posting this on the internet, but it’s my life.

    I do what I do on Craigslist because of the porn. And only because of the porn.\

    The BAR is overrated and you know it.

    You shouldn;t have to show your work doing fractions, because if your smart enough you know it already, and no one should be able to question your work,

    Towels? I have a hobby SO WHAT!!!111

  5. I see that another Randy Palmer has fallen into our proverbial grasps.

    It seems as though we’ve struck some resounding chords here Randy. A little too on the nose? I think we are.

    Go ahead, Randy… WHAT ARE YOUR OTHER SECRETS!?! TELL US! YOU CAN’T RUN!!!

  6. booze in utah will get you drunk, i prefer tequilla. The beer here sucks ass you have to drink shots with it. 3.2% alchohol beer.

  7. Guess this is the boy from the Kickboxing Place? Funny, visited, his place, and every facet of it, is crap. Including, your advice-randy.Cause, ya know who I really am. Flipside, your thoughts, on how a double ball, should be hit, there, is no wonder, your ears, are busted. You don’t know how to punch, no rotation, on base leg, reaching, like a beginning MMA chump,that got beat. The equipment,is used, for timing, combinations, footwork.I been in the game 20 yrs. too.Don’t give bad advice, I, hesitated, but, decided, not to embarrass, you, then. But, someone needs to school you, bro.

  8. Randy Palmer tries to make himself important by pointing out how racist white America is. He polishes stories to make them sound worse than they are. He does more damage to race relations than anyone. He makes up parts of his so called history to denigrate whites when writing biographies. What would his motives for this be?

  9. Excellent wordpress post, I will bookmark this post in my Clipmarks account. Have a good evening.

  10. the idea beach towel should be colored white because it reflects heat away “””

  11. it’s me the randy palmer from ogden again. love all the posts. i have news, i’m expecting a baby boy this june! i got a new car, 2009 pontiac g5 two door five speed. last year i recorded a blues record with the famous Ed Hubble; the grandson of the Edwin Hubble that invented a mirror device that got launched into space. what does the punk that wrote this blog do? anything? i’m doing pretty good for myself for being a musician that works at a bar.

  12. oh and yeah don’t drink the draft beer here. canned pbr or guiness and jager shots will do.

  13. hey can you do one on me like this? also this guy sounds sick, need any help? if you know who I am and what I do you also know I can fix this guy real sweet 🙂 but yeah please gather info on me and let me support with any that I can give ok? ok its on do it!

  14. Damm ! Too many Randy Palmers…. Im from i owa .. lol

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