The Happening – An M. Night Shyamalan Joint

First off: It’s Plants. Plants fight back. That’s what the happening is. It’s retarded.
a hibiscus

Now that the big spoiler is out of the way… Here’s a little run down:

In this new feature film by writer-director M. Night Shyamalan, there’s something that “Happens” and it really fucks with people. It’s a devastating event that changes the way we all think about life. The people we focus on are Mark Wahlberg a teacher in high school (cast perfectly?), Ashlyn Sanchez is a dumb kid (in the movie) and Zooey Deschanel is cute but not hot arm-candy. Leguizamo is a teacher too. But there are some questions that even teachers can’t solve… Mysteries that shake us to the core..

kids are jerks

I mean, seriously – what could cause such devastation as you’ve seen on THE HAPPENING’S poster? What could cause Mark “Donny” Wahlberg to gasp and stare so hard? Why would Zooey “Emily” Deschanel hang out with Wahlberg? And who the fuck is John Leguizamo?
There's something he sees that you don't, Leguizamo.

Shyamalan finds the most original, innovative and inexplicably brilliant way to preach at us… He uses plants. Plants are sick and tired of the way humans have been treating them… so they release some Neurotoxin into the air and fight back.

More awesome screengrabs and ranting if you click “more”…

M. Night Shyamalan Directs

Wahlberg says at one point, “There are powers at work beyond any of our comprehension.” Which immediately makes me say “then why the fuck even try?” Either this is going to be a HUGELY cool thing, OR… It’s plants. And it’s pretty straightforward. And the movie blows. Worse than SIGNS and worse than THE VILLAGE, and probably even worse than LADY IN THE WATER… just… it’s a bag of dicks.

grass are giving them a

Don’t be scared though folks… My friend (not friend) Steve and his friend (someone he knows) reports:

Also: “If you’re dreading the Shyamalan trademark twist-ending, you can breathe a sigh of relief. There’s no twist whatsoever. But there’s also no ending.”

OH NOEZ

Have you seen it? Do you want to? Did I just give it away? The Neurotoxins cause people to kill themselves in the most heinous way imaginable. There, I said it again.

What do you have to say?

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5 Responses

  1. M. Night once again proves that he’s the Dean Koontz of movies–I’m pretty sure he writes his scripts using Mad Libs.

    What a twist!

  2. Hahaha – I was expecting a few more twists… like the moon actually being a pebble in a vacuum…. Either way, he’s a… I don’t even know – like – why do studios keep giving him millions of dollars?

  3. All I know is that I’ve crapped better movie ideas than this one, and the studios aren’t giving me a damn dime!

  4. i think m. night is straight up paranoid. first its aliens, then its something bout a fuckin village. now its plants? no that was a question. plants? next it’ll be that we black folk realize how bad we were treated and put you cocklickmydick white fucka’s into slavery fo 80,000 years

    THATS RIGHT
    80,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. P.S.- SPOILER ALERT

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